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Grief, loss and support
Grief is a natural reaction to a painful loss. It is a normal emotion. We feel grief when someone dies and also during and after other major changes and losses in our lives, such as:
- moving or migrating
- changes caused by war, accident or chronic condition
- separation or divorce, and
- children leaving home.
Everyone experiences loss at some time during their life. Losses such as the death of a family member may be very obvious to other people. Personal or private losses are less obvious and may not always by recognised by other people, yet they can still be very painful.
What does grief feel like?
Everyone responds to grief in their own way. If you are grieving you may sometimes feel physically unwell as well as emotionally upset. You may experience:
- shortness of breath
- loss of appetite
- crying, or
- tiredness and sleep problems.
Grief can also cause deep feelings of: numbness, loneliness and emptiness, anger and resentment, confusion, ongoing sadness, or loss of interest in the things you used to do. These are all normal reactions to grief.
Some people assume that grief is an illness - that there is something wrong with the person who is grieving. But grief can often be unresolved, complicated or delayed.
Grieving is a process, not an isolated event. Many people continue to grieve in subtle ways for the rest of their lives. When someone close to you dies, you may feel a whirlwind of emotions, from intense grief and loss to relief and calmness. You may have jumbled thoughts, a somewhat foggy feeling and difficulty making decisions. You may also wonder what life after caring will be like. Remember, there is no set time for grieving – it's an intensely individual matter. For some it takes longer to feel that the fog is lifting. Here are some ways to help yourself
- Talk to someone you trust about how you're feeling and the difficulties you're facing. Don't bottle up your emotions.
- See your doctor – be open about how you're feeling.
- Call the Commonwealth Carer Resource Centre on 1800 242 636 and ask about the National Carer Counselling Program (more information).
- Look for other people who could support you. Perhaps you could revisit the staff and other carers at the aged care home, or your carer support group.
For more information on family and carers’ grief visit the Carers Victoria website.
Grief counselling
Often, talking to someone you trust about your feelings can help you feel less isolated.
Grief counselling can assist you to:
- understand and express your feelings
- cope with the reaction of others
- adjust to life in the absence of the person who has died, or
- utilise additional support available within the community.
Stress management
Finding ways to combat stress is another way of helping you manage grief and loss. This might include doing gentle physical activity, practising relaxation techniques or getting a massage.
Read more: Prevention and awareness of mental illness
National Carer Counselling Program (NCCP)
Carers are able to obtain counselling through Commonwealth Carer Resource Centres. Counselling is provided through qualified counsellors on issues that are specific to carers needs such as depression, stress-related issues, grief and loss and coping skills.
More information can be obtained by phoning Commonwealth Carer Resource Centres on 1800 242 636.
Carer support groups
Carer support groups provide emotional support. They can also be a safe place to talk about feelings such as anger and resentment. Whatever your situation, there is a support group you can join to meet other carers with similar experiences and to hear how other carers have coped with difficult situations. Your Commonwealth Carer Resource Centre can help put you in touch with carer support groups in your area.
Contact them on 1800 242 636.
You can contact the Translating and Interpreting Service (TIS) on 13 14 50 (for the cost of a local call) if you need assistance in a language other than English. They will connect you to a Commonwealth Carer Resource Centre and will interpret for you.
Further information:
There are several national support organisations for grief and loss with local representation around the country:
- The National Association for Grief and Loss has a range of links to local resources, education and counselling programs.
- The Centre for Grief Education is another independent, non-profit organisation and is the largest provider of grief and bereavement education in Australia. It details counselling services, education courses and support information.
Resources:
- 'An Unrecognised Grief. Loss and grief issues for carers: A carer's guide'.
Order from Carers Victoria – phone (03) 9396 9500. - 'Guidelines for a Palliative Approach in Residential Aged Care' – May 2004. Available on the Australian Government Department of Health and Ageing website
- Carers Information brochures
Other useful contacts:
Lifeline (24hr) phone counselling service: 13 11 14
